I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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