hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
