...so i touched it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
