remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
