She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize