Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
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