ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
