I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
