Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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