oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
