Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
