wrigley field is MILF paradise
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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