haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize