Well douche your snatch and let's go!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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