He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize