my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
