guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize