What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
