Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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