just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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