I wanna bring you to show and tell
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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