I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
