I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
