): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize