hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
