so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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