I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
