i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
