Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
