great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
