my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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