I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
