maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
