My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
