He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
