oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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