after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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