therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
