lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
