I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
