Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
