You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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