Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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