I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
