I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize