Your tits are I can't wait for
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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