She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He has the fingertips of a God
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