i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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