I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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