If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There's always time for handjobs
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
