I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
