Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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