he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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