we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
