Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
