I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
