I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
