Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
