I'm really into asian looking animals
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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