my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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