I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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