is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
