I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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