the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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