She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
