I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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