Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
