She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
