Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
