I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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