someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Your cock deserves a montage
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
