and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
