the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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